Birthdays and Remembrances

Dear Friend,

Weariness is settling in. In home group two weeks ago, seemingly everyone is feeling it. Most seem under pressure from work, family life or studies. For Shay, it is a combination of normally finding it difficult to get a good night’s sleep along with work pressures resulting from the war. For his wife, Naomi, she manages intake at a psychological clinic for those traumatized from the Gaza region who are seeking help.

While we aren’t under daily rocket attacks like we were in 2006, the war is putting pressure on all of us. Ledi, one of our youth leaders, was recently called back into reserve service. He leaves his pregnant wife with their two small children at home. Another of our soldiers spoke with me on Shabbat about the trauma he experienced. We discussed what our congregation can do to help.

For us personally the next month will include Shir and Leeya’s birthdays, the 21st anniversary of Abigail’s murder and the first anniversary of Dasha’s murder. While the grandgirls don’t really understand the concept of “year”, the dates certainly affect them. Their upcoming birthdays fill them with excitement, but then, the absence of their parents is all the more apparent.

Shir in particular has been waking up at night crying for her mom. As she gets a bit more awake she cries for grandma. Sometimes it is grandpa that goes in to see what is happening. Usually, her blanket needs to be rearranged with a hug to calm her heart from whatever she has been dreaming about.

Life seems to be centered around caring for our grandgirls, our children and dealing with our own grief. For Heidi, the return to the role of mother of small traumatized children has been a full-time job. She struggles with getting a good night’s sleep, but recently it has been almost impossible for her to sleep the night through. This, combined with her issues with pain and the constant reminders that Dasha is gone, makes life challenging.

I have the role of communicating with and caring for Josiah. It isn’t an easy role. On the one hand there is the need to deal with the emotions involving what he’s done – my own, the family’s, his friends and those of the public. But there also are consequences he faces – separation from his family and friends, the isolation, loneliness and the type of company he now has to keep. It is difficult knowing how to pray for and encourage him while directing him to honestly confront what is truly in his heart.

Recently our conversations have been tough. He’s made some really bad decisions lately. It’s hard to tell at times if he only regrets what he’s done or if he’s truly repentant. He is the only believer in a crowd of criminals and the question arises who will influence whom. I refused a few requests of his and it wearies my soul. My heart’s desire is that he moves toward true repentance and dependence on the Lord which will produce growth in character.

As we approach the anniversaries of Abigail’s and particularly Dasha’s passing, we will need a lot of wisdom. We expect that there are many of Dasha's friends that would like to attend her memorial, but the emotions of so many other people could be very overwhelming for the grandgirls.

Normally such a memorial would be planned by family of the deceased, but Dasha’s father left to visit Russia and is stuck there. Everyone will look to us to plan it since we’ve been her family since she was in High School. It is complicated by the fact that some of those who will attend blame us, as Josiah’s parents, for being indirectly responsible for her murder.

As you continue to pray for us, please be asking the Lord to:

• Make this season of birthdays and remembrances one of healing of the hurts and comfort in our loss with rejoicing in God’s gift of whom and what we have now.

• Make the upcoming Social Services committee review of the grandgirls’ care a positive and constructive one. It is a mandatory check, and it should be everybody checking their boxes.

• Give wisdom and strength to Phil as he interacts with Josiah, in order to discern how to encourage him to understand his salvation and be salt and light in the dark place to which his sin has brought him.

We are grateful for you standing behind us in prayer. Our energy is zapped so often and there are unfinished tasks that are waiting for us. There are times when one just wants to be held; others when anger flares; and others when things just seem “blah”. We have decided to try to get out into nature as often as possible for walks and picnics. Beholding God’s beauty heals the soul. We know and experience that the Lord is our comfort and strength and we appreciate the fact that He uses you and your prayers to give them to us.

Yours in the Messiah,

Phil and Heidi